How's Alex?

How’s Alex?

That’s an interesting question, because it is the subject of my every day. The simple answer is he's not OK. Alex is Bipolar. His moods shift. Daily. Weekly. Yearly. He is never OK. I spend my days like a detective trying to sniff out any small clue of a mood change, charting, taking notes, observing him. Worrying about him.

He spent 10 months of the last 12 (literally, not figuratively) suicidal, dangerous, aggressive and explosive. His meds are controlling that a little, but he is Manic right now. Which is dangerous in other ways. And his meds aren’t holding that in. They aren’t ‘stabilizing’ him. And without going into a tirade about doctors, I don’t have a ‘handle’ on this the way I PROMISED myself I would last year. Or last May. Or in July. You get the point.

The fact that Mania seeps out now means that Alex is hyper (he isn’t normally at all), he is giddy, inappropriate (laughing, jokes, rude comments, butt jokes, showing his butt to a friend during a playdate, etc), and more likely to jump off the roof (or trick his siblings into doing it) than anything else. Which is, in some ways, better than the dangerous depressive side. However, as October comes to a close, so will the Mania, and the Bipolar Depression will replace my giddy-inappropriate child with one who hates the world. Who is so negative and dangerous and threatens to take knives to school and kill people. That kid is hard to live with. That kid is hard to keep safe. That kid threatens my sanity and the safety of the other two.

And my next appointment with his Psychiatrist to change his medication (they want to put him on Lamictal) is November 24. Yes, the day before Thanksgiving.

I won't be baking pies, I will be talking with the Psychiatrist about a medication that could potentially cause life-threatening side effects. 1 in 1000 chance of a deadly rash. Immediate medical attention required. Scares me.

And scare my husband so much he refuses to give our son Lamictal until we see our Psychiatrist. So...We wait.

But the cycling won't wait.

Depression is nipping at his heels and I am not sure we can out run it.

Anne

Winter Blues

My mom got them. I have had them every year as long as I can remember. And now, I see them in my own children, especially Jaimie. WINTER BLUES.

Of course we now know that my mom experienced much more than Winter Blues because her deepest depressions and her highest highs happened during the winter when she couldn't be out at the Lake--her place of solitude and regeneration.

It always starts just when the air gets cooler, the leaves start falling and the sun doesn't stay out as long. You wake up and it's dark; it stays a dull shine throughout the day then it gets dark again just as we're getting ready for dinner. It's soooooo....tiring. When I was a teenager, it was overwhelming because not only did I have to cope with my own 'blues', I had to help my mom through hers. But now I recognize it and feel it coming.

For me, I just delve into something creative or do a craft with my kids or get all bundled up and go outside just to get some of that vital Vitamin D even if it is 30 below. I know, though, that it's hard to be happy when it's so dark most of the day. The darkness makes us feel dark too. In a way, I can relate to alot of how my mom must have felt.

Now, Jaimie gives me the strength to pull myself through this time of year. I have to be strong for her. I can give her what I couldn't give my mom: hope, light and positive energy to guide us through to the warmth, brightness and renewal of Spring.

Do any of you live with 'Winter Blues'? Are your symptoms or your child's symptoms worse in the winter? How do you cope?

It's Working!

The automatic pill dispenser, that is.  The device is made by Med-E-Lert, and we love it!  No more worries about missed doses or accidental double doses!  The little alarm goes off, the pills for that dose move into place, and the alarm keeps buzzing until you remove the pills!  Genius.