Guest Post from Author Judy L. Mandel (The Replacement Child)

When the fantastic folks at WOW approached me about hosting author Judy Mandel for her memoir, The Replacement Child (Seal Press), I was intrigued by her story. Then I read the book and knew we had to have her join us.

Judy's family endured horrific tragedy when a plane crashed into their house, January 22, 1952. Not only did all twenty-two passengers and the captain perish in the crash, but Judy's sister Donna was also killed while her sister Linda was severely burned. One can only imagine the grief that this family felt.

The Replacement Child is Judy's account of both this terrible accident, and her family's struggle to deal with the aftermath, as well as being the child brought into the world in an attempt to fill the void left behind by Donna's death. Bringing one child into the world to replace one that was taken out of it so tragically is bound to create even more pain, and Judy discusses this beautifully.

I thought it was brilliant to mix snippets from the actual crash day around her own story so the reader can get a complete picture. A piece of my heart hurt for Judy in each chapter as I read not only about the accident itself, but also how her parents chose to deal with it (or not to), how the family's struggles affected Judy personally (and how she was treated) and having to be the caretaker for her older sister as she had to endure many painful reconstructive surguries throughout her life.

I am glad not only that I got to read this brave story, but also to have Judy here. It's important for families to deal with grief, especially when the tragedy is this severe, in the best possible way and together. As we all know, each person in a family is affected by trauma and grief differently but are also affected as a family unit. Judy's story shows the importance of making sure such families are given the proper resources and coping tools, as well as to ensure each individual has what he or she needs personally. And she also shows us that by being courageous enough to continue moving forward after tragedy, we not only help ourselves, but can also make a difference in others.

Judy is with us today, and you have a chance to win a copy of her powerful memoir, The Replacement Child. All you have to do for a chance to win is to leave a comment with an email address. And if you'd like to 'Follow' us, that would be wonderful too. OH! And if you help us spread the word about the contest (eg: Facebook, Twitter, etc.), you'll have a bonus entry. Just be sure to send me the link so I can count it for you. We'll draw a winner on May 9th, 2013. Good luck! And thank you so much to Judy for joining us here today. You are very brave to tell your story and you are welcome back anytime.

Depression and Setting Goals

Living with depression during the winter months can be extremely tough, especially for those of us living in the more northern States or Provinces where it is dark for most of the day. It can be understandable how difficult it can be most days to feel any motivation or inspiration to keep moving forward.

But it can't be an option. We have to keep moving forward because, like a shark, when we stay still too long we run the risk of drowning in our own anxiety, emotions and feelings of being overwhelmed. How can we stay on track, though? How can we spark that motivation? The answer is by setting realistic goals and sticking with them.

Believe me, I know what it's like. This past summer, my long-term relationship with my partner ended. He finally moved out at the beginning of December. I truly believed that once we separated, things would be instantaneously better. Obviously, that was a very unrealistic view.

It's tough being a single parent to four children while struggling to maintain some sort of balance. I was trying to keep the routines going, help make things easiest for the kids but forgetting that I also needed to deal with the break up. I needed also to grieve the loss of the relationship (because it is a loss) and allow myself to feel all the emotions that go along with that. I fell into a pit of depression and anxiety, turning to a few of my old maladaptive ways of coping. Not healthy at all.

I am back on track now and I found what helped me was setting small, attainable goals for myself. With each one I achieved, I felt a bit more confident and motivated to continue. Now I am getting out there doing what I have to do, and if there are days where I don't feel quite as strong, I allow myself a break.

I found a great article on the esperanza blog called 'Putting the GO in Goals'. Very good article that stresses five steps in staying motivated by setting and keeping our goals: Keep it simple, be realistic, strive for five, ditch the downers and praise--don't punish. It's funny because these are very similar to the steps I put into achieve my own daily goals. And you can do it too.

Check out the article HERE, and please feel free to share your own tips.



Anxiety & Depression Magazine | Putting the GO in GOALS | esperanza

Suicide and Bipolar Disorder

It's a very scary topic, but one that needs to be discussed openly and taken very seriously. Suicidal thoughts are a symptom for many people suffering with bipolar and other mood disorders. With the right tools and coping methods, these thoughts can be distracted.

Sadly, there are some out there plagued with these terrible thoughts with no resources to turn to. And it is for these people and their families that I share this post and accompanying article.

When I was growing up, my mother threatened to kill herself almost monthly. It happened so often that I actually told her to, "...go ahead and just DO it!" Remember, I was only a teenager tired of dealing with her illness that none of us understood or knew how to help her cope with. Then I got a kick in the ass with reality when I realized she might have actually done it.

When I was twelve, my mom was seeing this loser of a man. He was twice her age, married with three grown boys and had no intention of every leaving his wife. He promised my mom endlessly that he would but it never happened. He was a waste of human flesh who knew my mom was sick, and knew just how to manipulate her into doing and believing whatever he wanted her to.

One night near the end of their relationship, I stopped him from beating her up (again). As I watched him walk away from the house (after threatening to call the cops on him), I went into the kitchen to find my mom holding a butcher knife to her arm over the kitchen sink. That scared the poop out of me because she didn't just verbally threaten to hurt herself; she was in the position to do it. I talked her down from it but reminding her of the other things she had to live for, but in retrospect, I was so lucky I had been there.

Sadly, my mom did end up killing herself eventually. A long, slow death through what booze, smoking, drugs and other bad choices had done to her body. But that night in the kitchen haunted me for the rest of my life. A few years down the road, I actually attempted suicide too. For those who have never been in that frame of mind, understand that death is an attractive alternative for those of us suffering with these disorders. To never have to feel these terrible symptoms again or the overwhelming feelings of lack of control is comforting in a crazy way. But it's not the answer.

Most people living with bipolar have a chance to live healthy, productive lives as they learn the best coping tools specific to their symptoms, take their meds and follow what their therapists guide them to do. Yes, there are some who can't seem to cope no matter what options they are given, but their lives still matter. It is so important to take all threats of suicide or suicidal thoughts very seriously, and to take action immediately. Even if all you do is bring your loved one's therapist over for him or her to talk to, do something.

This article is an important one. Writer Julie Fast discusses her own battle with dealing with suicidal thoughts and what it's really like. There are some very powerful tips in here that would prove useful to those dealing with this issues, as well as those who want to help. Click HERE to be taken to the article.

Feel free to share it with anyone you think may need it!